… or the work of genius?
I never really understood paintings which consisted of random brush strokes. My eyes and brain would take over and look for patterns or familial landscape shapes. Then I went to Art College, and the confusion became worse, as I started daubing my beautiful colours and textures all over the place, in a happy playful enthusiasm, only to be told what I was doing wasn’t making sense. But hang on there – what you have done – doesn’t either?
Lesson learned: Doesn’t pay to argue with the tutor – but great fun though.
Then moving on life I discovered Grecian philosophy and found that there are whole areas dedicated to the confusion and randomness of life and living, not just colour play.
Living my life has been a little like that lately. I am not able to just accept the illogical decision making process of bureaucracy, my brain spends a lot of time trying to make sense of random information. I try to interact and understand – but some things have been so random it has made me ill.
Finally, though I think I have cracked the conundrum. I ain’t going to even bother
I am best off going about life the way I have for over 50 years now, and let others get in step with me for a change.
I have switched off my email for about three or four weeks now, and finally I am starting to find the silence is paying dividends. My mind – instead of randomly trying to work out answers to problems which aren’t even known to me, is allowing me to start sorting out my immediate problems, which are important and impact into my day2day life and peace of mind.
Hardly earth shattering - What on earth was I going to do with this ball of wool…? How am I going to work that sketch painting into a canvas? what am I going to make for tea on Friday?
Minutiae to some – incredibly important to the smooth running of my world though.
So this morning I spent an hour sorting out my knitting pile – well on paper anyway. Doesn’t make pleasant reading – so much half done, ideas still randomly floating around my head, patterns and shapes half worked up into samples.
I have some stories half-written, and worked on a loose script of a play a couple of weeks ago – destined for nowhere at present, but some of it written up for another task, and the randomness of the words and characters attracted me. A little like an abstract painting, which starts of being a random collection of daubs and textures, meaning something to the artist, and then released into the world, gives pleasure to an audience – or at least is a talking point? In my case the working title is “A Cast of Clowns” – which should give you some idea of where I am.
Writing the draft synopsis and Cast List (or Greek Chorus) – I found myself unconsciously delving into the pot of people I have “collected” over the last nine years. Some of these characters are sympathetic, some funny and others – well you wouldn’t go out of your way to meet them in an ideal world. There again, my world isn’t ideal by any stretch of anybody’s imagination !
I found when I finished writing that none of my friends’ characters and foibles are in it. What does that say? A world of two halves – my friends and family (not forgetting the adorable contacts at the Women’s Institute) in one half, the rest of the “enforced” contact in the other.
When I go to bed and finally dream, I have a recurring one. I am desperately trying to remember a phone number of someone I knew when I was 13, so I can ring him. I still know this person in real life, now, today, – but am searching for the relationship I had then. So I think that is something I ought to take on board. Instead of searching for the life I did have – best find some fun in the one I have now.
So my task for this month is to somehow get back into fiction writing, without being concerned that truth will somehow find a way in – even subconsciously. That should be fun !
Oh and getting on with this knitting – which is even coming to the pub with me nowadays – I wonder what they will think if I turned up with a spinning wheel… ?!!