04 November 2006

NaNoStall - Motor Matrol Cars and Fireworks

7.57 at my desk at home. I have persuaded Bruce to go and visit Toby by himself, and I have spent the day in blissful inactivity – well it would have been if I hadn’t been suffering from the excess of alcohol and lack of sleep last night.

I really can’t get inspired by the NaNo stuff this year. I know I should – because I want to do it, and it is important for me and my self-fufilment. But having done it last year – the sense of achievement and excitement of companionship just isn’t happening. I still feel proud that I am involved in all of this – I saw an article on BBC news today – the Click Programme – and when they showed the familiar NaNo heading and I got really excited inside about being part of such a mass project – but then spent the rest of the afternoon cold and dozing on the settee.

I have tried to explain to B that I am happy to go and visit T but it is the inability to actually control getting home again that is causing me serious stress. I understand that he doesn’t want to cook, but I don’t want to sit in a pub every night either !! I have been out of the house since 9 working hard all day, and I just want to get home and put my feet up.

I wasn’t the most sociable of people before all this happened, so to have to have another needless conversation and spend time in artificial atmospheres is really draining me and my personality.

I love my NaNo project though - a blog written 20 years ago by a ditsy girl and then me 20 years later reviewing it. I write the ditsy bit whilst I am in the office and the review when I am at home and it is written in 1st person POV which is quite effective. I am though going to get some inciteful stuff into it - probably a missing baby somewhere...and definitely a lost love - but lots of laughter.

Back to the evening – lovely pub we went to, but unfortunately a couple were sparring on the next table. The wife – an elegant, over made-up, over-dyed lady – giving the poor man – with a face we vaguely recognised – grief about not having been allowed to attend a funeral in the front car. She hadn’t gone and spent the time to good purpose going through her husband’s desk….

That has to be a prompt for the future doesn’t it !!

Well Bruce is now back – Brain’s faggots are pending. I have got over my NaNo stall as well as having gone through a bottle of sparkling water, and the fireworks are kicking off all around. Tomorrow is another day – when creation of my character can continue, but for tonight I will rest.

I wonder what she did find in that desk?

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